Belonging

I have always had a hard time feeling like I belong, and have often found myself feeling comfortable in strange places. When I studied aboard in Rome I loved going to church with local Italians I didn’t know, and when I was in China I would pray with Buddhists I had just met. In college I was in the South Asian Student Alliance and was the only white girl in a Bollywood dance number and I loved going to Puja services and the student mosque on campus. Once again, I have found myself at home in a unique place. I feel like I belong at St. Labre surrounded by the incredible Crow and Cheyenne students I serve. I belong in a room making moccasins, listening to drum circles, and eating fry bread and chili (which I swear the cafeteria serves almost every week). Basketball is incredibly important to the community here, and although I have never been a sports fan I have been at almost every home game this year. I even traveled three hours to see our students play in an away game at another small town in the middle of nowhere. I think it speaks to how much this place has changed me and touched my heart that I spent nearly eight hours sitting in a tiny gym cheering for our students and feeding them a never ending supply of snacks we snuck in my backpack. I love being there for our students especially the ones that never see anyone there to support them. Everyday there is hardship in seeing how much my students struggle but everyday is filled with grace. There is always a moment that makes me feel like I belong, that I am where I am meant to be, that I am making a difference. As strange as it may sound, in being in a seemingly strange place where I do things I never thought I would do like shooting a gun, eating tons of buffalo, and living small town life I have found a place that I belong. I belong here in Tall White Man Lodge, with my students, and with this amazing community.

Christmas in Ashland

Custer National Forest - Tree Hunting

 

 Merry Christmas!

cutting down our Christmas Tree from Custard National Forest

This holiday season has been incredibly unique for me. For the first time ever I am not going to be going home for Christmas. Although I have already shed some tears over not being able to be home with my family I have developed a unique family here in Ashland at St.Labre. I have been blessed to be able to experience the holidays with other JV’s, people in the community, and the sixty students who live in the dormitory where I work. The feast of St. Nicholas has always been a big deal in my house. I remember putting out the biggest shoe I could find the night before and never being disappointed the next day as it was always filled with goodies. Even when I went to college my mother would come up with a master plan that often involved contacting some roommates or hiding things at the top of closets. This year my mom sent all the people in my house an amazing stocking full of treats. What was really great this year was that I was able to share the tradition not only with my housemates, but also with all the students in the dormitory. I told my supervisor about how special St. Nick day was for me and she bought eighty dollars worth of candy for me to fill the students shoes with. I even put a little note about the feat of St. Nicholas in with their candy bags. I loved seeing all the students come back from school and finding their shoes filled with candy. I have become the head of all Christmas activities at the dorm: planning gingerbread house decorating, ornament making, and making each student a personalized stocking (some people have been joking I need to take a break from the conference room which I have transformed into “Elaina’s Christmas craft room”). Despite the fact that I won’t be able to be with my family and be part of all our traditions I have been a part of some unique Ashland traditions. Who needs a tree farm when you can cut down a Christmas tree from Custard National Forest? Me and some of the other Jesuit Volunteers were commissioned to cut down a tree from the National Forest for the dormitory. The permit to cut down a tree in Custard National Forest is only five dollars and the only stipulations are that you can’t cut one down over fifteen feet and you have to cut it at its base. So three of my housemates and I drove off into the forest and found our fifteen-foot tree in the beautiful snowy forest. It was such a neat experience, and I’m sure the biggest and cheapest tree I’ll ever get in my life. Being at a Catholic Indian school Christmas now includes nativity sets with a teepee and Christmas paper with moccasins covered jingle bells. This past month has given me many struggles and many times made me long to be home, but I have been blessed to have people here who care about me. When I cut my finger open and had to get four stiches there were people who brought me my favorite milk shake to cheer me up, and my amazing supervisor Molly even make a St. Nick surprise for my house. It has made it a little bit easier (although it still isn’t easy) to be always from home for the holidays. I hope that everyone has a blessed Christmas full of blessings with people that care as much about you as the people I have found that care about me in Ashland. 

Trying to make the tree fit on the car

decorating our 15 ft. tree

Finding the Spirit Amidst Struggles

This week I have learned a lot through struggles at the dormitory and thorough moments of faith. Last weekend I went on the first JVC NorthWest retreat of the year. It was wonderful to take some time to reflect and have fun with my community and I can back energized and rejuvenated. I had been thinking a lot about my love of religion, faith, and working with people and this week has given me many opportunities to engage all of these loves. I volunteered to help with the sophomore retreat and middle school retreat this week. Both retreats were great opportunities to have fun with the students here, help them reflect on their faith, and to spend time reflecting myself.

During the sophomore retreat Grandma Nellie (an incredible elder who works at the school) led a beautiful mediation that centered on nature and Native imagery. I also had the opportunity to listen to two Cheyenne elders speak about commitment, in particular committing to fasting and a life of prayer. One elder performed a cloth ceremony where we were invited to bring all of our burdens, struggles, need for healing, and prayers with us to the elder and hold them in our hearts as he wiped away all the negative within us. This week I have faced some difficult challenges with the dormitory students. There is so much disrespectful behavior from the students sometimes it becomes incredibly difficult to be compassionate and patient with them. We have had some serious drug and alcohol issues in the dormitory along with the other struggles. It is difficult to hear the endless stories of pain and suffering that so many of our students face. Although it doesn’t excuse their behavior often times it helps me to understand where all of their aggression comes from. Everyday I try my best to work with these students, and it is incredibly difficult when they refuse to take advantage of the help I so desperately want to give them. Amidst all of my struggles and frustrations at the dorm I was able to take all of my worries, burdens, and prayers to the elder and let him cleanse me. He wiped two pieces of cloth (one black, one white) intertwined over my whole body. As I walked away form the elder I felt so peaceful and full of positive energy. It was a moment of grace and blessing and I feel so fortunate to be able to be a part of that experience. It was a beautiful experience and I am so thankful the elders are willing to share their wisdom to teach me about The First Maker, the Great Sprit. Being blessed by the elders and learning more about Native spirituality was a great way for me to find peace in moments of struggle this week and a wonderful reminder to call on the Spirit when things become difficult at the dorm. 

Kateri Tekakwitha - An Amazingly Meaningful Mass

Last week Kateri Tekakwitha was canonized as the first Native American saint. It has been an incredible blessing to be at a Catholic Indian school during this time of celebration! There was an all school mass to celebrate her canonization last week that spoke to the heart of my experience here; the mass beautifully connecting native spirituality with catholic, celebrating culture and the way of life here. There were students dressed up in full Native regalia who danced in which the priest who was wearing a buckskin vestment. Native drums and song filled the gym where were we were having mass. Fr. Pascal, the pastor here, gave a beautiful homily about Kateri, a young Native girl who loved Jesus and made difficult choices to be a good Christian and follow her heart. I loved looking at all of my students and seeing what an incredible example Kateri is for them. The life of a saint that resonates with their own heritage is so meaningful. It was so moving to be a part of a Native community, to be in a place where Kateri Tekakwitha is such a powerful symbol. Some of the girls from the dorm helped prepare the altar, dancing with incredible reverence to the altar, which was blessed by cedar smoke. I loved every minute of the mass and it spoke to why I love it so much here, to be in a community where faith is important and different spiritualties can work together to connect people to creation and the Great Spirit. We sang a song called Song at the Center with a beautiful chorus: “From the corners of creation to the center where we stand, let all things be blessed and holy all is fashioned by your hand. Brother wind and sister water, mother earth and father sky, sacred plants and sacred creatures, sacred people of the land.” The whole mass was full of blessings and seeing the whole community come together in prayer and celebration was an awesome example of how great the St. Labre community is. Once again I felt blessed to be at St. Labre and to be working with Crow and Cheyenne students. I am so grateful that now we have a Native American saint to ask for intercession! 

Native Week!

The beautiful Teepee inspired church at St. Labre

This past week was Native Week at St. Labre Indian School, which was awesome! My position at the dorm has become both more challenging and rewarding, and having so many blessings this past week has reinvigorated my love for the school and the kids here. It is difficult at times to work with students who have little to no support at home and face many personal struggles. I am currently reading a book by the Dalai Lama about compassion to remind myself to always practice compassion. It has been a great addition to the wisdom of the Crow and Cheyenne elders that I am learning from. Some of our dorm students have been struggling with deaths in their families and some of them have been seeing spirits in the dorm. Sprits are a very real and serious part of Native spirituality so on Monday we had Crow and Cheyenne elders come to the dormitory to speak to the students and bless them. The elders shared their wisdom and blessing with the kids and the staff and then performed a cedar-ing ceremony through the whole dorm. Now we have cedar hanging over the doorways to each of the wings to remind the dorm kids that they are blessed and protected. The elders told us not to fear these spirits that may be relatives who have not yet said goodbye, they are good and we must try to always keep our own spirit good.

The Moccasins I Made!

During the week the students had the opportunity to go to a class and learn a Native craft or skill and I got to be the adult supervision for moccasin making. The elder who taught us about the history of the moccasins and how to make them was wonderful! Everyday she brought us treats and on Thursday she had a crockpot of buffalo berry pudding cooking in her supply closet! It was really therapeutic to sit with her and students quietly cutting and sewing while listening to Cheyenne music in the background. We didn’t have enough material for everyone to make adult moccasins so I made a toddler size pair that I am very proud to have finished. On Friday there was an all day Native celebration, which started with a parade. They had a teepee race where the Crow students competed against the Cheyenne students to see who would finish first which was so much fun to watch and cheer for. The Crow students won but it was really close! I loved seeing so many of our dorm kids participating in the activities throughout the day. Some of our students played Native hand games or showed off the crafts they completed during the week. There was a hand drum and singing competition that several of our boys participated in. I was so proud of a couple of the guys for sharing their incredible talent with everyone. My favorite part of the day was listening to a bunch of the dorm boys in the drum circle. Their voices and drumming are so incredibly beautiful. It made me feel truly blessed to be here, to be a part of this community, and this experience.

Teepee Race!

The Crow Teepee that won the teepee race

Even though there are not a lot of people in Ashland the people that are here are wonderful. People from the school community are always giving us vegetables or other food, and Chris and I often get sent home with leftovers from the dorm. There are a couple former Jesuit Volunteer’s that have come back to work at St. Labre who often spend time with us and give us great advice. We’ve been keeping ourselves entertained with plenty of pool and movies in the basement, card games and Catan on the kitchen table, and dance parties in the living room. We make our own fun, and there is always a St. Labre game to go to or someone inviting us over for dinner. This beautiful “Big Sky” country still keeps me in awe with its multitude of stars, beautiful sunsets, and beautiful landscape. Some days are better than others and everyday comes with its struggles and blessings but I feel at home here and continue to find happiness in my work and in my community.