In A Good Way

Lately I have noticed that some of my housemates and I have been picking up phrases from the community here and starting to talk like people here. I was telling one of my housemates who works at the school that she is starting to sound like the students when yesterday I found myself talking like them too. Many people especially the Native elders will use the phrase “in a good way”. Earlier in the year we had many spirits bothering the students in the dorm and so we had it blessed by the elders and they spoke of how many of the spirits come in a good way to protect us and check on us. Some recent events have really helped me experience how we can experience things “in a good way”. The past two months at St. Labre have been marked with great sorrow and grief. We have lost too many people in the community including three young women who took their own lives, and one of these young women was a student at St. Labre. The suffering and grief of the students here was almost unbearable. To see so many people who already face so many struggles in their lives overcome by pain was incredibly hard to witness. Seeing their sorrow and pain I faced my own struggle but was able to find hope in the love and care of the St. Labre community. In being part of this community and caring for those who were suffering I was able to be with my students in their sorrow in a good way. I did not let their sorrow overwhelm me but instead I was present to them in their grief and offered them comfort. Although many days were difficult to get through I was able to find grace in the experience and grow in love for those who were struggling. In the past I have let times like these consume me and bring down my spirit, but the Crow and Cheyenne have taught me how to experience these things in a good way. I have learned to not only listen to the language of the people here, but to let it become a part of me and my experience. Please pray for the community here as they continue to recover from their grief. I know that will all the love in this community we can continue to heal and grow as a community in a good way.

Little Moments Make a Big Difference

It is not very often that big things happen in a small town like Ashland, but often little things make a big difference. So often when I see my students walk through the door to the dorm on Sunday night they come not just with physical baggage. Seeing the struggles that many of them face sometimes it is hard to feel like I can make a difference, but everyday my amazing students remind me of why I’m here. It is the everyday experiences that may seem small to some, but I can see that in the eyes of many of the students is big. Recently something pretty big happened at St. Labre. There was a school wide initiative to raise money for the St. Baldricks foundation by having people raise money to have individuals around campus buzz their heads. Somehow my students convinced me to become involved so the deal became if they raised over $400 they could buzz my head, and even add some cool designs. They had a couple weeks to raise the money and in the end they raised $407 that would go toward childhood cancer research. The week of the buzz-a-thon event on Thursday night one of the dormitory students buzzed my head in the middle of the dorm while everyone stood around and watched. It was great to hear everyone cheer as all my hair got buzzed off and they added some awesome zig-zags and lines into my hair once it was buzzed. It was an incredible experience to have all the students surround me and support this crazy endeavor to create awareness and raise money for a good cause. Although it is still a little weird that my hair drives in a minute I love my new haircut and love the reminder of that wonderful experience every time I look in the mirror. It has definitely given me a lot of street cred as I now get comments from the students like “now you’re a thug for life EJ!” or “your hair is pimpin”. It is just one more experience that has left me feeling like I belong in this community and with my students, and has shown me that little things can make a big difference.

I have fallen in love with the students here and this community and it is because big things can happen. The dormitory is its own special family where the students and staff care about each other. Even though I am so different from the students I serve I feel like I am part of the dorm family. Some of my favorite moments have been when I’ve been able to relax and have fun with the students, and it is always wonderful when that can be connected to learning. This past week I helped a couple boys write sonnets for English class and I never would have thought I would have so much fun working on poetry with freshman boys in high school. They wrote poems about basketball, their shoes, and their snap-back hats and the rhymes were definitely unique. I don’t know that Shakespeare would have used “super fly” as an end rhyme in his pomes, but it certainly made sense for some of my students. In those small moments when what I do is appreciated and full of joy I realize that being here big things are happening to me. I’m changing and becoming a better person with greater understanding, because as much as I help my students they also help me. Every day they help me grow in patience and compassion, and I am so thankful for the great moments I have everyday living in this beautiful small town of Ashland. 

Belonging

I have always had a hard time feeling like I belong, and have often found myself feeling comfortable in strange places. When I studied aboard in Rome I loved going to church with local Italians I didn’t know, and when I was in China I would pray with Buddhists I had just met. In college I was in the South Asian Student Alliance and was the only white girl in a Bollywood dance number and I loved going to Puja services and the student mosque on campus. Once again, I have found myself at home in a unique place. I feel like I belong at St. Labre surrounded by the incredible Crow and Cheyenne students I serve. I belong in a room making moccasins, listening to drum circles, and eating fry bread and chili (which I swear the cafeteria serves almost every week). Basketball is incredibly important to the community here, and although I have never been a sports fan I have been at almost every home game this year. I even traveled three hours to see our students play in an away game at another small town in the middle of nowhere. I think it speaks to how much this place has changed me and touched my heart that I spent nearly eight hours sitting in a tiny gym cheering for our students and feeding them a never ending supply of snacks we snuck in my backpack. I love being there for our students especially the ones that never see anyone there to support them. Everyday there is hardship in seeing how much my students struggle but everyday is filled with grace. There is always a moment that makes me feel like I belong, that I am where I am meant to be, that I am making a difference. As strange as it may sound, in being in a seemingly strange place where I do things I never thought I would do like shooting a gun, eating tons of buffalo, and living small town life I have found a place that I belong. I belong here in Tall White Man Lodge, with my students, and with this amazing community.

Christmas in Ashland

Custer National Forest - Tree Hunting

 

 Merry Christmas!

cutting down our Christmas Tree from Custard National Forest

This holiday season has been incredibly unique for me. For the first time ever I am not going to be going home for Christmas. Although I have already shed some tears over not being able to be home with my family I have developed a unique family here in Ashland at St.Labre. I have been blessed to be able to experience the holidays with other JV’s, people in the community, and the sixty students who live in the dormitory where I work. The feast of St. Nicholas has always been a big deal in my house. I remember putting out the biggest shoe I could find the night before and never being disappointed the next day as it was always filled with goodies. Even when I went to college my mother would come up with a master plan that often involved contacting some roommates or hiding things at the top of closets. This year my mom sent all the people in my house an amazing stocking full of treats. What was really great this year was that I was able to share the tradition not only with my housemates, but also with all the students in the dormitory. I told my supervisor about how special St. Nick day was for me and she bought eighty dollars worth of candy for me to fill the students shoes with. I even put a little note about the feat of St. Nicholas in with their candy bags. I loved seeing all the students come back from school and finding their shoes filled with candy. I have become the head of all Christmas activities at the dorm: planning gingerbread house decorating, ornament making, and making each student a personalized stocking (some people have been joking I need to take a break from the conference room which I have transformed into “Elaina’s Christmas craft room”). Despite the fact that I won’t be able to be with my family and be part of all our traditions I have been a part of some unique Ashland traditions. Who needs a tree farm when you can cut down a Christmas tree from Custard National Forest? Me and some of the other Jesuit Volunteers were commissioned to cut down a tree from the National Forest for the dormitory. The permit to cut down a tree in Custard National Forest is only five dollars and the only stipulations are that you can’t cut one down over fifteen feet and you have to cut it at its base. So three of my housemates and I drove off into the forest and found our fifteen-foot tree in the beautiful snowy forest. It was such a neat experience, and I’m sure the biggest and cheapest tree I’ll ever get in my life. Being at a Catholic Indian school Christmas now includes nativity sets with a teepee and Christmas paper with moccasins covered jingle bells. This past month has given me many struggles and many times made me long to be home, but I have been blessed to have people here who care about me. When I cut my finger open and had to get four stiches there were people who brought me my favorite milk shake to cheer me up, and my amazing supervisor Molly even make a St. Nick surprise for my house. It has made it a little bit easier (although it still isn’t easy) to be always from home for the holidays. I hope that everyone has a blessed Christmas full of blessings with people that care as much about you as the people I have found that care about me in Ashland. 

Trying to make the tree fit on the car

decorating our 15 ft. tree

Finding the Spirit Amidst Struggles

This week I have learned a lot through struggles at the dormitory and thorough moments of faith. Last weekend I went on the first JVC NorthWest retreat of the year. It was wonderful to take some time to reflect and have fun with my community and I can back energized and rejuvenated. I had been thinking a lot about my love of religion, faith, and working with people and this week has given me many opportunities to engage all of these loves. I volunteered to help with the sophomore retreat and middle school retreat this week. Both retreats were great opportunities to have fun with the students here, help them reflect on their faith, and to spend time reflecting myself.

During the sophomore retreat Grandma Nellie (an incredible elder who works at the school) led a beautiful mediation that centered on nature and Native imagery. I also had the opportunity to listen to two Cheyenne elders speak about commitment, in particular committing to fasting and a life of prayer. One elder performed a cloth ceremony where we were invited to bring all of our burdens, struggles, need for healing, and prayers with us to the elder and hold them in our hearts as he wiped away all the negative within us. This week I have faced some difficult challenges with the dormitory students. There is so much disrespectful behavior from the students sometimes it becomes incredibly difficult to be compassionate and patient with them. We have had some serious drug and alcohol issues in the dormitory along with the other struggles. It is difficult to hear the endless stories of pain and suffering that so many of our students face. Although it doesn’t excuse their behavior often times it helps me to understand where all of their aggression comes from. Everyday I try my best to work with these students, and it is incredibly difficult when they refuse to take advantage of the help I so desperately want to give them. Amidst all of my struggles and frustrations at the dorm I was able to take all of my worries, burdens, and prayers to the elder and let him cleanse me. He wiped two pieces of cloth (one black, one white) intertwined over my whole body. As I walked away form the elder I felt so peaceful and full of positive energy. It was a moment of grace and blessing and I feel so fortunate to be able to be a part of that experience. It was a beautiful experience and I am so thankful the elders are willing to share their wisdom to teach me about The First Maker, the Great Sprit. Being blessed by the elders and learning more about Native spirituality was a great way for me to find peace in moments of struggle this week and a wonderful reminder to call on the Spirit when things become difficult at the dorm.