Beckoned Back

I’m back and re-settled into Tall White Man Lodge in Ashland, Montana for year two in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps NorthWest! This past weekend I went to Crow Fair and although I had gone last year it was an entirely different experience. I wasn’t overwhelmed by the uniqueness of the experience, but instead felt alive with energy because I felt everything about the experience beckoning me back. The powwow, the rodeo, indian tacos, sleeping in a teepee; they all called me back to the beautiful culture here. I felt some of my fears about returning fade away every time I walked around the arbor (the powwow area) and stopped to talk to one of my students from last year. It is hard to find belonging but I felt that I reclaimed a little bit of belonging here in my experience at Crow Fair. As I stared at the small patch of sky visible through the top of the teepee and listened to the powwow I saw the big sky that has been a place for me to open my heart to the incredible community here, and I heard the drums beckoning me back. The drums beckoned to my heart, and gave me strength to embrace this new year. I don’t know what all this year will have in store for me, but I have faith that the Great Spirit will be with me and guide me. I know that the Great Spirit has beckoned me back to this place that in many ways has become home. 

The End of Year One

My first year of service in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps NorthWest has come to an end. My year in Ashland has been full of both blessings and challenges. I have loved becoming part of a small community in rural Montana. I love that they know who I am at the post office, that people stop by our house to share their garden vegetables, that when I call the bank they don’t have to ask to spell my name. The Northern Cheyeene and Crow people have taught me so much this year. I have felt the Creator move my spirit to fall in love with this place, this sacred land. The Great Spirit has let me experience great healing here even in the midst of much sorrow and struggle. It is a place where it is healthy to grieve. The reservations here and their people have seen so much suffering and pain that healing is an essential part of life. I no longer feel that I have to hide my sorrow or suffering because my community here understands those feelings in a way the rest of the world I have encountered does not. There is a space for healing and a grace that comes from the sacred land and sacred people here. I care for my students so much that I cannot imagine leaving them after only one year. I feel blessed that I will be able to stay with them for another year with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps NorthWest. Please continue to pray for me as I serve the Northern Cheyeene and Crow students at Saint Labre Catholic Indian School.

I will be home in South Bend, IN for the next couple weeks relaxing a little bit before by second year of service begins in August! 

Better Days

This year has been a very difficult one for the Crow and Cheyenne communities here because it has been marked by three young people taking their own lives. In the past three months three local high school students have committed suicide, and one of those students went to Saint Labre. There are days when I can see the deep pain that afflicts the students who remain, the friends and family of those who have left this world. It is hard to know what to do in the face of such tragedy, how to be present for the students I care so deeply about. It has been in being in community with my students and the larger community here that I have been able see healing in this time of suffering. We have taken the time to smudge ourselves, time to cry together, and I have learned some of the Crow and Cheyenne traditions of mourning. I have never been so moved at a funeral as when I heard the Crow and Cheyenne people sing in their language and cry out with voices so full of sorrow yet full of strength. There is a favorite song here that says “No more crying, let me wipe away those tears, let me see your smile, there’s a better day”. It speaks to my heart as a call for healing. A healing that we need here, a healing that I have found in the beating of the hand drum and the voices of the community here. At the Saint Labre powwow two weekends ago there were special dances for healing and to ward off the dark spirit that has fallen over our community. It is hard to separate myself from the pain I see in my students, but I have come to experience not only the pain here but the healing as well. The people I serve are a people that have for centuries endured immense suffering, struggle, and pain. I have found that this is a place where pain is a part of life, and that pain needs to be expressed to find healing. There is healing in letting your pain be known to yourself and others and letting the Creator, the First Maker, heal us and our community. Pain is understood here and time that is needed is given for healing. I think it is a healthier way to move on from the pain that we know will always be a part of life, and has taught me how to deal with my own pain past and present. I am thankful to the Creator for guiding me here, to teach me the Crow and Cheyenne way, a way of healing. On days when I find myself in the midst of struggle and pain is present I can hear the hand drum in my mind and feel it beat in my heart telling me that there will be a better day.

Rejoicing

Anna and I at Crazy Head Springs

I was incredibly blessed to have my parents and youngest sister Anna visit me in Ashland for Easter. After eight looooong months I finally got to see them in person and I was so happy to see them it brought me to tears. Not seeing my family for such a long time has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I could not have asked for a better way to celebrate Easter than to rejoice in Christ’s resurrection with my family. I loved sharing my home and my life at Saint Labre with them. In addition to it being a blessing to have my family with me it was a blessing to reflect on all the people who have made my experience in Ashland and Saint Labre such a wonderful one. Every time I introduced my parents to someone at the school or in the community I was reminded of how they have welcomed me and made an impact on my life here. It was a positive experience that made me feel confident in rejoicing in my decision to stay in Ashland another year. I have officially committed to spending another year in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps NorthWest and serving at the Saint Labre Dormitory in Ashland. It was a decision that took a lot of discernment and prayer, but I believe that the Creator has called me to be here. This year has brought me so much happiness and I want to spend another year discerning the root of that happiness. I also can’t imagine leaving all the people that I have come to love here. This place has been a great source of healing for me and I want to allow the Great Spirit to continue to move and work in me. I am very excited about all the possibilities another year as a Jesuit Volunteer at Saint Labre holds, and hope that it will continue to impact and inspire me.

Crazy Head Springs

In A Good Way

Lately I have noticed that some of my housemates and I have been picking up phrases from the community here and starting to talk like people here. I was telling one of my housemates who works at the school that she is starting to sound like the students when yesterday I found myself talking like them too. Many people especially the Native elders will use the phrase “in a good way”. Earlier in the year we had many spirits bothering the students in the dorm and so we had it blessed by the elders and they spoke of how many of the spirits come in a good way to protect us and check on us. Some recent events have really helped me experience how we can experience things “in a good way”. The past two months at St. Labre have been marked with great sorrow and grief. We have lost too many people in the community including three young women who took their own lives, and one of these young women was a student at St. Labre. The suffering and grief of the students here was almost unbearable. To see so many people who already face so many struggles in their lives overcome by pain was incredibly hard to witness. Seeing their sorrow and pain I faced my own struggle but was able to find hope in the love and care of the St. Labre community. In being part of this community and caring for those who were suffering I was able to be with my students in their sorrow in a good way. I did not let their sorrow overwhelm me but instead I was present to them in their grief and offered them comfort. Although many days were difficult to get through I was able to find grace in the experience and grow in love for those who were struggling. In the past I have let times like these consume me and bring down my spirit, but the Crow and Cheyenne have taught me how to experience these things in a good way. I have learned to not only listen to the language of the people here, but to let it become a part of me and my experience. Please pray for the community here as they continue to recover from their grief. I know that will all the love in this community we can continue to heal and grow as a community in a good way.