I’m back and re-settled into Tall White Man Lodge in
Ashland, Montana for year two in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps NorthWest! This
past weekend I went to Crow Fair and although I had gone last year it was an
entirely different experience. I wasn’t overwhelmed by the uniqueness of the experience,
but instead felt alive with energy because I felt everything about the
experience beckoning me back. The powwow, the rodeo, indian tacos, sleeping in
a teepee; they all called me back to the beautiful culture here. I felt some of
my fears about returning fade away every time I walked around the arbor (the
powwow area) and stopped to talk to one of my students from last year. It is
hard to find belonging but I felt that I reclaimed a little bit of belonging
here in my experience at Crow Fair. As I stared at the small patch of sky
visible through the top of the teepee and listened to the powwow I saw the big
sky that has been a place for me to open my heart to the incredible community
here, and I heard the drums beckoning me back. The drums beckoned to my heart,
and gave me strength to embrace this new year. I don’t know what all this year
will have in store for me, but I have faith that the Great Spirit will be with
me and guide me. I know that the Great Spirit has beckoned me back to this
place that in many ways has become home.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
The End of Year One
My first year of service in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps
NorthWest has come to an end. My year in Ashland has been full of both
blessings and challenges. I have loved becoming part of a small community in
rural Montana. I love that they know who I am at the post office, that people
stop by our house to share their garden vegetables, that when I call the bank
they don’t have to ask to spell my name. The Northern Cheyeene and Crow people
have taught me so much this year. I have felt the Creator move my spirit to
fall in love with this place, this sacred land. The Great Spirit has let me
experience great healing here even in the midst of much sorrow and struggle. It
is a place where it is healthy to grieve. The reservations here and their
people have seen so much suffering and pain that healing is an essential part
of life. I no longer feel that I have to hide my sorrow or suffering because my
community here understands those feelings in a way the rest of the world I have
encountered does not. There is a space for healing and a grace that comes from
the sacred land and sacred people here. I care for my students so much that I
cannot imagine leaving them after only one year. I feel blessed that I will be
able to stay with them for another year with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps
NorthWest. Please continue to pray for me as I serve the Northern Cheyeene and
Crow students at Saint Labre Catholic Indian School.
I will be home in South Bend, IN for the next couple weeks
relaxing a little bit before by second year of service begins in August!
Monday, May 6, 2013
Better Days
This year has been a very difficult one for the Crow and
Cheyenne communities here because it has been marked by three young people
taking their own lives. In the past three months three local high school
students have committed suicide, and one of those students went to Saint Labre.
There are days when I can see the deep pain that afflicts the students who
remain, the friends and family of those who have left this world. It is hard to
know what to do in the face of such tragedy, how to be present for the students
I care so deeply about. It has been in being in community with my students and
the larger community here that I have been able see healing in this time of
suffering. We have taken the time to smudge ourselves, time to cry together, and
I have learned some of the Crow and Cheyenne traditions of mourning. I have
never been so moved at a funeral as when I heard the Crow and Cheyenne people
sing in their language and cry out with voices so full of sorrow yet full of
strength. There is a favorite song here that says “No more crying, let me wipe
away those tears, let me see your smile, there’s a better day”. It speaks to my
heart as a call for healing. A healing that we need here, a healing that I have
found in the beating of the hand drum and the voices of the community here. At
the Saint Labre powwow two weekends ago there were special dances for healing
and to ward off the dark spirit that has fallen over our community. It is hard
to separate myself from the pain I see in my students, but I have come to
experience not only the pain here but the healing as well. The people I serve
are a people that have for centuries endured immense suffering, struggle, and
pain. I have found that this is a place where pain is a part of life, and that
pain needs to be expressed to find healing. There is healing in letting your
pain be known to yourself and others and letting the Creator, the First Maker,
heal us and our community. Pain is understood here and time that is needed is
given for healing. I think it is a healthier way to move on from the pain that
we know will always be a part of life, and has taught me how to deal with my
own pain past and present. I am thankful to the Creator for guiding me here, to
teach me the Crow and Cheyenne way, a way of healing. On days when I find
myself in the midst of struggle and pain is present I can hear the hand drum in
my mind and feel it beat in my heart telling me that there will be a better
day.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Rejoicing
Anna and I at Crazy Head Springs |
Crazy Head Springs |
Monday, March 11, 2013
In A Good Way
Lately I
have noticed that some of my housemates and I have been picking up phrases from
the community here and starting to talk like people here. I was telling one of
my housemates who works at the school that she is starting to sound like the
students when yesterday I found myself talking like them too. Many people
especially the Native elders will use the phrase “in a good way”. Earlier in the
year we had many spirits bothering the students in the dorm and so we had it
blessed by the elders and they spoke of how many of the spirits come in a good
way to protect us and check on us. Some recent events have really helped me experience
how we can experience things “in a good way”. The past two months at St. Labre
have been marked with great sorrow and grief. We have lost too many people in the
community including three young women who took their own lives, and one of
these young women was a student at St. Labre. The suffering and grief of the
students here was almost unbearable. To see so many people who already face so many
struggles in their lives overcome by pain was incredibly hard to witness. Seeing
their sorrow and pain I faced my own struggle but was able to find hope in the
love and care of the St. Labre community. In being part of this community and
caring for those who were suffering I was able to be with my students in their
sorrow in a good way. I did not let their sorrow overwhelm me but instead I was
present to them in their grief and offered them comfort. Although many days
were difficult to get through I was able to find grace in the experience and
grow in love for those who were struggling. In the past I have let times like
these consume me and bring down my spirit, but the Crow and Cheyenne have
taught me how to experience these things in a good way. I have learned to not
only listen to the language of the people here, but to let it become a part of
me and my experience. Please pray for the community here as they continue to
recover from their grief. I know that will all the love in this community we
can continue to heal and grow as a community in a good way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)